As parents, we’re constantly working to place our kids on the right path - but what’s at the end of that path?
It’s worth taking a moment every now and then to think through what your child is striving for. Success in school isn’t necessarily the same as success in life. Are you constantly talking about financial rewards? Material goods? Or do you work toward less tangible things like making good decisions or being a good person?
It’s important for kids to realize that success doesn’t necessarily mean achieving a stated goal, it’s figuring out how that goal and others work together to define your life path. Ask your child/ren what success means to them - it might just surprise you.
It is fun to sing, but it can be a little bit embarrassing too - at least for the majority of us. Singing in the car has some distinct advantages, though: everyone is trapped, there is not a lot to do, and once a couple of people start singing it is easy for others to “join the crowd.”
This is a great way to share music, often starting with a favorite song chosen by the youngest member of the family. This could be done using favorite CDs, the radio, or an ipod/mp3 player. Singing is universal, so providing practice for children while sharing a special family moment is a great opportunity in more ways than one.
Sometimes adults get frustrated because children will not jump into new activities and situations, but if you think about it, adults generally avoid new activities and situations and are risk averse.
Modeling risk taking by openly trying new, possibly embarrassing things, can be incredibly powerful for your children to see - and can lead to lots of positive conversation. It could be jumping into a sport your child is playing, singing, playing one of their favorite video games, or any new activity that seems relevant and interesting to your child. Try it, you might like it. ;)
Your children are paying very close attention to you (even though it may not seem like it).
We have been well trained in our society to praise “big thing” like tests, grades, sports team success, concerts, etc., but we often forget to provide acknowledgement that every day brings its little victories and happy moments: the time when your child took the bus both to school and home for the first time, or joined the kickball game for the first time, or after many tries was able to say a tongue twister.
Celebration here could mean everything from verbal acknowledgement, to a high five, to “bragging” to a grandparent, to anything else in your toolbox. It does not need to be a ‘party’ or a physical reward. Your child needs to see that you are paying attention, that you see that it was a big deal, and that you care. This encourages more risk taking, and it is especially important to celebrate the efforts and, yes, the failures too - not just the successes.
Start goal setting at home. It can be both eye opening and empowering for children to set their own goals - and almost anything can be turned into a goal! For example, the number of push-ups you can do, how long you can read silently, how long it takes to do the dishes, etc.
Try something straightforward to start and see how your child responds. Don’t forget to talk it through when the results come in. Some children like to be optimistic and may predict they can do 15 push ups when they can only do 3. This is a great opportunity to talk about short and long term goals. In this situation you could work with your child to set a goal of 5 push ups by the end of the week and 15 push ups by the end of a few weeks or a month. Can you imagine how powerful it feels for a child to realize that they can fail to achieve something immediately, but when they work at it they can do it?
Goal setting is a wonderful family activity. It is important for children to understand that parents have goals too - and that adults take risks and fail too. Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable, to try and not succeed at something. If you set a goal that you care about and are willing to work at, and then your child sees that you work on it and achieve it, that is a very powerful lesson.
See how your child responds to goal setting. It may be just the thing to spark them to better effort, higher achievement (in whatever), and a feeling of self-empowerment. If it is, then be sure to nurture it with additional goal setting activities. We have invisible goals in our minds all of the time. This tip can help make the goal setting process more transparent and more ‘controllable’ - increasing understanding, motivation, and life satisfaction for your child.
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